Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
