I just saw a hot homeless man
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
