filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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