i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
