my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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