Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
