I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and she was petting her beer can
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
