i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
