see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
