woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
