Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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