he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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