Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
