I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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