Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
