She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
