I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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