Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
