look no pants
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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