she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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