listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
