i just had sex bonerless
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
