On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
