dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
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YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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