I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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