Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
