WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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