Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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