it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
