Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
