Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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