Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
