My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it glows. i had to have it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
