Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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