forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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