hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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