my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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