i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
