As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
