I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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