i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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