my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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