he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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