apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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