that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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