At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
