I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
