I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
