Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
