smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
