somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
