Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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