Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
