so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
