Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
