Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
