We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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