Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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