yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
