If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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