i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
