Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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