Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
