I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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