I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I touched a dick in church today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
