so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
