I think im going to throw up on grandma
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
