This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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