walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
