Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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