Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize