pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
