oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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