she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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